This is the story of how I undertook a 3 day juice cleanse and why it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Let me begin by saying that I don’t diet. Even when, for a foolish few years when I was a struggling actress and I thought modeling would be a good way to earn extra money and exposure, I could never bring myself to limit my food intake. It just never seemed worth it. Food is one of the greatest pleasures life has to offer. How can being in ad for Target possibly compare to Popeye’s fried chicken?
But lately, it seems like everyone I know is on or has gone on a juice cleanse. Don’t judge me as I judge you, but it always struck me as strange that while there are millions of people starving in the world that someone who lives in a developed country and has enough food to eat (and presumably doesn’t suffer from an eating disorder) would starve herself. Not just starve herself, pay a whopping $65 dollars a day for the pleasure of starving herself.
I guess I wasn’t sure if I believed in the contention that your digestive system needs a “break” or that your colon needs to be cleansed. It’s a colon for god’s sake. How clean does it need to be? It’s a bit like asking the garbage man to wear a three-piece suit and aftershave to work– what’s the point? But I suppose I was curious and wanted to see what all the fuss was about and I must say that I love a challenge and a chance to test to my willpower. When I put my mind to something, I do it. It’s how I’ll systematically achieve every single one of my life goals and finish reading all of Proust’s In Search of Lost Time… one of these days… so I tell myself.
But I still couldn’t justify the expense. My brother’s girlfriend Ashley and I decided to try to see if we could replicate the juice cleanse at a fraction of the cost. Why couldn’t we just buy the ingredients and juice/blend them ourselves? We looked up all the ingredients for one of the more popular 3 day cleanses and bought them. The plan was to meet on Sunday morning, make the juices and be on our way to feeling lighter and having cleaner bodies and clearer heads.
We should have known this would be the case, but the juices took a really, really long time to make. We got a late start and because it was technically day 1 of the cleanse, we refrained from eating anything all morning. You’d think this goes without saying, but washing, chopping, juicing and blending enough spinach, kale, romaine lettuce, parsley, cucumber, celery and green apple for two people to drink twice a day for three days is incredibly labor-intensive. By the time we finished making our first juice of the day, it was almost 3 PM.
We took a break to sit down and drink the first juice. It wasn’t easy. It tasted like grass, like we were eating mulch, like someone just emptied a lawn mower into our glasses. Ashley had tried and enjoyed the kind of green juices they sell in stores and claimed they were delicious. I always avoided them because I imagined they tasted like what we had just made. After a few torturous sips, it started to become tolerable. It was fresh, healthful, it was a bit like drinking a salad or cold cucumber soup.
Ashley had a harder time getting it down. “Maybe you should put it in a bowl and eat it with a spoon like it’s soup,” I suggested. That didn’t help. It just made it seem like there was even more of it. “Maybe you should try drinking it with a straw,” I tried. “I don’t have a straw,” she replied despondently. Eventually, she drank some more and we went back to work. By the time we finished making the remaining juices (Pineapple Apple Mint, Spicy Lemonade, Carrot Apple Beet and Cashew Milk), which were all surprisingly delicious (especially compared to the green one) it was almost 7 PM. I was already half an hour late to meet my family friends for Sunday supper and my back was aching from all the standing, chopping and juicing all day. Now I understand (though don’t condone) why Mario Batali wears Crocs.
When I got to their apartment, my willpower was put to the ultimate test. Let me tell you, watching someone eat a steak when all you’ve had to eat all day (or will eat for the next two days) is juice is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I went home thinking sleep was my only escape from my hunger. Boy, was I mistaken.
When I first graduated from college, I was in a long-distance relationship. I had a re-occuring nightmare in which I accidentally cheated on my boyfriend. I dreamt that I kissed someone else and then suddenly realized what I had done and spent the rest of the dream burdened by guilt. My first night on the juice cleanse, I had the same thing with food. I dreamt that I was eating a sandwich and all of sudden, realized that I wasn’t supposed to be eating solid food and felt terrible. But I justified it to myself by saying that it was just alfalfa sprouts and avocado and it wasn’t that big of a deal but then, all of a sudden, without realizing it, I was eating a bowl of ramen noodles. Oh, no!
I woke up the next day feeling a little woozy and weak and seeing the kind of sparkles I usually see after I give blood as I’m about to faint. When is the mental clarity supposed to set in, I wondered? As the day progressed, I came to two realizations: 1) When working from home, I spend a lot of time making and eating food and then washing the dishes, pots and pans I use to make and eat my meals 2) I do a lot of mindless snacking when I procrastinate from writing.
So because I was only drinking juices that had already been made, I had a lot more time to write and because I was so determined to stay on the cleanse, I felt even more focused on getting my writing done. I also felt more aware than ever of what I was putting into my body and self-satisfied knowing that I was consuming only raw, organic fruits and vegetables. But I was still hungry enough to strangle a deer. Mmmm…. venison.
Anyway, by the time the evening rolled around, I did something even stupider than going on a juice cleanse– I went to a yoga class while on a juice cleanse. I chose a slower than usual class to take it easy, but as I was walking up the subway stairs, my legs felt like they each weighed 100 pounds. During the class, I saw more sparkles as I got up from my downward dog poses. I was still determined to get through it but secretly feared I’d pass out like a teenage Tracey Gold in after-school special about eating disorders.
After class, I slumped into a bean bag chair in the lobby and savored my last juice of the day like it was nectar of the gods. I texted Ashley to see if she wanted to see Blue Valentine the next day so we could distract ourselves from our hunger. “I’ll go see the movie with you…” she wrote back, “But I won’t be hungry.” Apparently, my brother brought home chocolate truffles. I couldn’t blame her, but my resolve was weakened. I felt like a soldier during boot camp who sees his friend fall into the mud and give up. I wanted to give up too. On my way home, I went to see the latest Woody Allen movie, trying to ignore the intoxicating smell of popcorn the way I tried to ignore the dozens of pizza parlors, ramen noodle shops and bakeries on my walk home.
The next day, my last day on the cleanse, I could barely get out of bed. I felt ill. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I couldn’t walk. I almost fainted. This is pathetic, I thought. It’s one thing to be determined, it’s another to starve myself to death. Panicked, I envisioned my super finding me sprawled on the floor next to an overturned bottle, green juice slowly pooling around my corpse. Using my last reserves of energy, I opened my refrigerator and found some week-old Spanish rice in my refrigerator. I ate it like I hadn’t eaten in years. Then I had a bowl of shredded wheat. Then another one. Then another one. Then I went out and got two slices of pizza.
After a juice cleanse, you’re supposed to ease your way back onto solid food, but I had to listen to my body. It wanted pizza. Maybe juice cleanses work miracles for some, but it obviously wasn’t for me.
Cost of the fancy name brand juice cleanse: $65/day for three days
Cost of doing it myself: $16/day for three days + $7.50 for two slices of pizza on the third day + my dignity and possibly my health
You would have felt sick because you are not meant to keep juice made from your normal blender for longer than 1 day. Your juice would have fermented. Juices such as in the Blueprint cleanse and other delivery juice cleanses last because they use a cold pressed juicer that takes hours to make the juice but postpones the oxidisation and fermentation of the juice. Thats why they can last 3 days while YOUR juices were definately in no state to drink after even 2 or 3 days.
Don’t knock a juice cleanse just because you didn’t know what you were doing eh?
Hello!
Thanks so much for your witty anecdotes and candor as you described the fiasco of the juice cleanse. Hilarious! Please continue writing your thoughts on your blog. I look forward to more thoughts from you. God Bless!
I laughed and winced at your brave attempt at scrubbing out your colon! You’re a better person than I am; I would’ve been the person down in the mud, tempting my boot-camp-attendees to join me in my sweet, sweet failure.
I have to disagree with the initial commenter, though- it takes at least a week for juices to even begin fermenting (even if you added yeast and left the juices out at room temperature to help the process along). They would’ve kept just fine for three days. Not eating just sucks.
I have to disagree with you! I have worked for raw food restaurants and juice cleanse businesses- and from my experience, those things (even the pressed juices, oxidize after a couple days and start to ferment. More the ones with carrot or beet, the sugars trigger the process). Especially when exposed to any heat beyond your fridge.
It’s my professional opinion not to drink any juices after 1 day unless it was a hydraulic press juicer because it can oxidize and start turning. Whether it was actually fermented juice or just rotten is up to the authors’ judgement.
your an idiot!
Did this for 12 days and almost fainted in class. Don’t worry, there are bigger idiots out there. 😉
I appreciate you for this post..I look forward to more thoughts from you. God Bless!keep posting..
You should drink anything you juice at home within fifteen minutes of cutting and preparing. Even then, you loose vital nutrients as the oxidation process has already set it. You would need a professional home juicer and storage unit for your juice to even minimally delay this process. Joyce, everyone’s experience is different, and juicing is not for everyone, but I couldn’t even read your well-written article in one-sitting without wondering how/why you did not educate yourself on proper juicing techniques/process/side effects before you tried such a heroic endeavor? This is not child’s play. Maybe next time stick to a one-day water fast, it may accomplish much of what you thought you could/did from a three-day juice- eliminate “toxins”, achieve improved mental clarity, etc.
I’m not a professional, but it sounds to me as though you should increase your total calories on your next cleanse; prepare your body BEFORE you cleanse- start eating your green leafies the night before and drink plenty of water before, during and after your cleanse; consider moderate exercise, maybe just a walk (this is different for everyone). Most important, consider changing your overall mindset- a cleanse is not about sacrifice, it’s about giving your body the opportunity to better do something it should be doing well naturally (which in the case of most with Western diets and lifestyles, it is not).
With love and concern,
A Juicer
P.S Also remember, everything we introduce to our bodies has the opportunity to cleanse and build or contaminate and destroy, and that goes beyond the food we intake–make better daily choices.
I am the kind of person that tried many diets and survived them all successfully. The key to a strict diet is to eat everything fresh and don’t starve yourself. Tricky! Eat less and more often so you don’t let the hunger take charge of you.
I hate to start off this way, but I agree with commenter Tiffany, as a fellow juicer, I do know how hard it is to prepare, juice and clean up, but it is correct that you need to drink your juice directly after making because it oxidizes and loses most of it’s nutrients within minutes.
I found your blog well written, and I’m sorry it wasn’t a good experience for you, perhaps if you try again, after doing some research it would be more of a success story? GOod Luck!!
Are you sure it wasn’t your body getting rid of toxins that made you sick? When you do a cleanse like that, your body cleans itself of all the bad things and they leave toxins. That might be what made you feel so ill. Been there done that.
Tomorrow, I am starting one to make my body more alkaline.
Wow. I’m sorry you had such a horrible experience with juicing. There’s a great documentary on Netflix called “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead” about a guy who did juice cleansing and went through hell the first several days… at one point he didnt even get out of bed and if my memory serves me correctly I think he experienced withdrawls so bad it was like he was fighting the flu. It’s really rough business depriving ones body of the food it’s accustomed to. But this guy continued his juice cleanse so long he actually cured himself of a condition that medical science couldn’t cure him of. It’s really entertaining and an amazing story. I really think you’d enjoy watching it. And if you don’t have netflix/ don’t know anyone who has it/ or don’t want to sign up for it, you can always do a free trial and then cancel after you’ve watched it for free.
Also: http://www.mayibefrankmovie.com is a great one- Frank got super sick from detox symptoms too, but was committed to the process.
The issue is that you are doing the cleanse completely wrong. First, it sounded like you blended the juice. You need an actual juicer to remove the pulp and fiber from the fruits/vegetables and just leave you with the juice inside. This is a very quick process and easy clean up. Second, you need to drink the juices right away. There are some that just don’t taste good (it’s all about trial and error and finding out what combinations you like). You also have to keep in mind that while doing a juice fast your body is *detoxing* so you WILL feel tired and out of it at first. The first few days are all about detoxing. After the first 5 or so days (when the detox is over) THEN you will feel the benefits like higher energy, weight loss, mental clarity, etc. Some people can feel this right away but it depends how they ate in the days leading up to the fast. Finally, it sounds like you went about chopping up your fruits/vegetables wrong. Most juicers can take things that are almost whole or barely cut. I went to Costco and got $30 worth of fruits and vegetables that lasted me for 3-4 days. the night before I started, I cut up some of it and it only took 25 minutes (cutting an apple into 3 quick pieces, chopping kale, etc). It’s very easy! I HIGHLY recommend the Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead documentary also. It will make you want to do a juice fast the right way where you see benefits. They are great for your body but you have to learn to do it the right way!
Sounds like you were too much of a cheap ass to actually go out and by a proper juicer. Wal-Mart has the Jack Lelang juicer for $99. It’s mind sets like yours that have caused such an epidemic in our country. Yeah its much easier too just be fat, lazy and sick. What a shame.
I stumbled upon your blog researching for my second 30 day all raw juice cleanse. I love your adventurous spirit to jump on the fad of juice cleansing. However I am suspect of your ability to educate yourself sufficiently on just what you are getting into.
Juice cleansing is meant to be a way to detox and release toxins your symptoms are on par with cleansing. There are fabulous cleanse companies as well as amazing websites educating on how to make your own juice.
Juice fasting is an all natural healthy way to transform the body. Dont knock it until you properly try it.
You are so dumb.
Wow. You really didn’t do your research. Did you juice and strain? In the photo above there are huge chunks in your juice, kinda defeating the purpose. Did you take a laxative tea in the evening? This helps with bowel movements…
Please don’t knock juice cleansing just because you didn’t do your research. It’s a beneficial thing when done correctly.
So sorry it was a bad experience for you. I agree with many of the comments about doing the cleanse the right way. You need a juicer and need to consume the juices immediately. I did a 3-day cleanse and had such great success. It changed my diet completely! I have a completely different relationship with food now and have resolved some hormonal and emotional issues through simply through ridding myself of cravings and basing my meal around raw vegetables, juices and and plant-based proteins. I loved it so much I’m doing the cleanse again this week! Try again, doing it the right way.
I am amused by all the pro-juicers who think you did the juice fast wrong. The jury is out on juice fasting — some swear by it for its positive effects on health and the emotions, with studies to back them up. Some say it is damaging or dangerous, with studies to back them up.
My two cents: Listen to your body. It’s your friend and companion for life. If your body says “Not for me,” then go with that. Your body will never lie to you if you listen with compassion.
All the same, I’m very amused by your juicing misadventure.
Rachel, a juice fast can indeed be dangerous. However, most people now say that to truly give your body the nutrients and calories it needs, a juice feast must be done. I agree with the above posters on knowing how to do it before you do it. Make sure you have a good juicer. Pulp should come out pretty dry. And yes, it will begin to go bad. If you can’t drink it right away, freeze it until you are ready to drink. I just had about 32 ounces of green/fruit juice, and I have to say, my body is positively singing right now! I feel amazing. Not hungry at all. I have yet to go through the detox phase. Though I will admit, I am still trying to figure out how to do a long cleanse without breaking the bank. Perhaps watermelon in my juice daily? I also thought of perhaps doing the juice twice a day and doing a detoxifying Asian congee soup for dinner.
P.S. I really don’t think it is all that kind to make rude comments, however, to those who called the author dumb and cheap. Last I remembered, there has only been one perfect individual who walked this earth.
I love the judgmental commentary! So many perfect people out there! She tried something, she failed, so what? I’m sure she will go on living a relatively healthy life with or without a stupid juice cleanse! My great grandmother lived to 103 and like most Parisian women, drinking and smoking were part of her livelihood. She rollerskated in her 90’s! What an idiot! She could have fallen and broken a hip, right? I’m sure that’s what some of you judgers would say. But maybe it was her adventurous, fearless spirit that kept her going. Our society is so stifled by judgment and fear that we can’t even drink a fucking glass of juice without worry. Weird shit if you ask me.
Can you post your juicing recipes?
I truely enjoy juicing. Although, it can be time consuming and challenging at first, but after knocking out your very own recipes; you will be a pro at juiceing in no time. I own a Breville juicer and it works wonders. I throw all my green vegetables and fruit without cutting them up and wah-lah! juice, drink in less than 10 minutes. I peel my lemons, oranges, limes prior with a fruit peeler, which is ideal to own. I plan my juices in advance. (bkfast, lunch and dinner- one fruit juice a day). I purchase most of my veggies from the farmers market-which you may be able to negotiate the veggies;that’s always a plus. I drink my juices immediatly after juicing to get the best boost. If you must store your juice; store your juice in mason jars just for that day. Tip: add a apple, peeled lime/lemon when you juice greens-it takes the edge off. Add a chunk of ginger before the lemon/lime. Ginger is a natural anti-inflamatory herb. Happy juicing from Texas!